Hustle!

A friend sent me this quote from Steven Covey.  It’s about Pleasure Centerdness:

“We live in a world where instant gratification is available and encouraged. Television and movies are major influences in increasing people’s expectations . . . pleasure, per se, offers no deep, lasting satisfaction or sense of fulfillment. . . A
person in this state becomes almost entirely narcissistic, interpreting all of life in terms of the pleasure it provides to the self here and now.

Too many vacations that last too long, too many movies, too much TV, too much video game playing–too much undisciplined leisure time in which a person continually takes the course of least resistance gradually wastes a life.”

Wow is this accurate!  A fundamental truth about life today is that we all need to hustle a bit more each and every day.  To hustle means to try harder than you are currently trying.  I’ve seen too many people waste too much time and talent doing things that will never make them truly happy. We want instant gratification even though few things in life worth having are that easy to obtain.  We figure out too late in life that just making ourselves happy isn’t true happiness at all.

Here is how it happens: we try hard in life for a while and find out that’s it’s really hard to do the right things in life all the time - to care about others, to excel at school or work, to win over the people’s trust, to act with character.  So, we settle for the lowest common denominator and just do the easy things that make us happy.

If you played sports as a kid you’ll remember the coach yelling, “Hey _____[insert your name here] . . . HUSTLE!”  What this meant was, unless you try harder than you are currently trying, you’re going to get splinters from sitting on the bench all game.  I wish we had someone like that in life - someone who could sit us out until we get it - until we try harder.  We don’t, so it’s up to you.  Life is about contributing something to the greater good.  Trust me - it will make you the kind of happy that’s worth it.

Integrity Challenge 2010

Check out www.facebook.com/profc to participate in the 2010 Integrity Challenge.  The idea is to act with a bit of integrity each and every day.  The Facebook page will provide a target virtue and an act related to that virtue.  You have 24 hours to meet the challenge.  When you do, click the “like” button under the post.

It has been interesting to see how serious some people are taking this - that’s wonderful.  I have met them all so far and I feel much more content than I did before we started.  I am certain that Aristotle was right in stating that the good life may be achieved when a person strives to be habitually virtuous.

Join the challenge - your conscious will thank you!

Do It Anyway

Mother Teresa wrote an amazing poem (paraphrased below).  Thanks Julius H. for sending!

“People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis;
It was never between you and them anyway.”

Exactly!

Facebook Etiquette

I expect to get some heat for this post; however, this issue has been eating me up lately.  The topic: Facebook and “Friends.”

Before I begin, let me say that I think these types of social networking sites are some of the greatest assets on the Web - at least for what they were designed to do.  They are a great way to get/stay in touch with an old friend, classmate, colleague, or relative.  They provide an excellent way to gather interest in a cause or let people know about an upcoming event.  They are not, however, a substitute for the interpersonal communications required by authentic relationships.  Unfortunately, we tend to treat Facebook as a way to conduct our friendships.

More specifically, I have been having a problem with the way that we accept people as friends or ask to be someone’s friend.  For instance, when someone asks you to be a “friend” on Facebook - and you agree - I think it’s appropriate to confirm him or her AND THEN ADD a nice, quick message.  This is a great time to actually see how someone is doing or what she has been up to.  To me, it’s lame to just accept that person and move on with your life as if the request never happened.  If we say nothing, it’s as if we are just accumulating friends for no particularly worthy purpose.  This is likely why the people who sneaked into the White House last week have thousands of new Facebook friends.  Is allegedly committing a federal offense really something worthy of beginning a new friendship?

To me a real friend is someone who rushes in to be with you when everyone else rushes out of your life.  A friend is someone who is there when no one wants anything to do with you.  Perhaps Facebook chose the wrong word to capture what is really happening on its site.  Perhaps acquaintance would be more appropriate.  Perhaps we should be able to confirm someone into one of two categories: (1) Real Friend / (2) Mere Acquaintance. For Real Friends, the website would force us to write a message.  You know, it works for Twitter.  It would be a little nudge towards actually building a friendship.  For Mere Acquaintances, we could just confirm them as we confirm people today - as if it mattered as much as flushing the toilet.

Do me, your friends and yourself a favor and send a quick reply whenever you accept or make a friend request.  This might mean more to the person on the other side of the monitor than you will ever know.

Make Excellent Decisions - Advice for Young Adults and Parents

Bad decisions affect each of our lives regardless of age.  Problematically, when a decision backfires, we pout about making a mistake and doubt our future abilities; we take two steps back for every step we move forward.  Even worse, the bad decisions we all make wreak havoc in our lives and create stress that damages our bodies and minds.  One way to counteract habitual bad decision-making is to make excellent decisions as often as possible.

Young adults, in particular, need to make better decisions and make them more consistently.  This is especially true when it comes to this issues that young people struggle with most often – time management, priorities and perspective.  Bad decisions in these areas do not happen in isolation.  There are actually many causes lurking in the background such as: (1) lack of forethought, (2) inability to analyze consequences, (3) fleeting time, (4) fear of failure and (5) peer pressure.  Each of these represents a hurdle standing guard in front of the primary goal – an excellent decision.

At the college level, individual students can advance far ahead of the pack by consistently making excellent decisions in both the academic and social spheres.  Excellent decisions in the academic arena include going to class – every class, every quarter – and avoiding schedules filled with “easy” courses.  This process gets a bit tougher when students decide how to prepare for each class.  The secret here is to study to retain information over the long haul and walk away from each course with toolbox accessible later in life.  To make this happen, students should actually think about the concepts involved in each subject and read assigned materials carefully instead of skimming chapters and memorizing facts for a test.  Although these types of decisions may seem like no-brainers from afar, seemingly innocuous pressures such as friends heading to the mountains on a Thursday night or the avoidance of a studious image, hover like a dark cloud above undergraduates.  In the end, however, students who consistently make excellent academic decisions find themselves mentally prepared to contribute to a society that desperately needs their talents.

On the social front, things get a bit more complicated.  I believe that an important part of the college experience occurs when students discover the middle ground between excessive socializing and excessive studying.  Unfortunately, the vast majority of undergraduates find themselves at either end of the spectrum and nowhere near the middle.  Excellent decision makers, however, learn to live a balanced life and to make decisions that help create this balance.

An example of bad decisions at the social end of the spectrum is telling.  Over the past three years, I have witnessed many students who choose to party on multiple nights per week.  It comes as no surprise that these same students subsequently run out of time for more important activities such as classes, team meetings and student groups.  For some reason, students fail to realize that the amount of time in each day remains fixed even as they continue to add more to their plates.  The result of this excessive socializing – i.e., a bad decision – causes otherwise intelligent students to neglect their sleep, health and homework and put forth lackluster efforts in their classes.  This behavior is a perfect recipe for a poor grade and, more importantly, causes students to take little substantive knowledge away from important classes.  This type of behavior is how bad social decisions lead directly to bad academic decisions.  Students quickly find themselves caught in a difficult situation having to catch up on assignments and on rest while also neglecting friends who pressure them to socialize as usual.

My advice to escape this vicious circle is to ponder Cash’s story with the students in your lives and encourage them to make excellent decisions.  The reason that parents should be involved in this process is that young people look up to and follow the examples set by their parents.  This is true regardless of whether such decisions are excellent, good, bad or even outrageous.  With this in mind and as a role model, it is not a bad idea to strive and make each of your decisions excellent as well.  Here are a few decision-making tools to think about before making your next important decision:

• Slow things down – We tend to make decisions with great haste. I understand that it is a hustle-bustle, instant messaging world out there.  Unfortunately, a rush to judgment usually leads to a bad decision.  A better idea is to follow the example of great athletes who excel when they are able to slow things down before swinging at a pitch or shooting a basketball.  You too should slow things down and see the entire picture more clearly before you make any important decision;

• Gather sufficient evidence about potential consequences of the decision – Who wants to think about consequences when it is so much easier and less mind-numbing to cross our fingers and wing it?  It turns out, however, that understanding what might happen after we make choices is important in making excellent decisions.  Therefore, the mental energy required to think about and analyze the consequences of each important decision is well worth the effort;

• Avoid making decisions stemming from anger – It is ironic that we never feel good in the long-run about the decisions we make out of anger or spite even though these same decisions seem appropriate as we make them.  Instead of making a decision in an aggravated state, set aside some quiet, alone time to think and then supplement your thought process later with advice from a parent or other mentor;

• Consult your moral compass before deciding – This is the most important decision-making tool of all.  Your moral compass is your internal GPS – your guide to living a life filled with character.  Your moral compass will point you in the right direction and, if you cannot hear it, make sure to turn off the mute button; and

• Take personal responsibility for your mistakes – Instead of blaming others for a bad decision, own it, learn from it and then get up, shrug it off and move forward.

At the end of the day, chasing real rabbits is what really matters at all stages of a person’s life.  Knowing what I know now, I would take authentic success over worldly success any day.  Unfortunately for me, it took a long time to realize the difference between the two and make some substantial changes.  Fortunately for you, parents are blessed with the opportunity to discuss these issues now with students who are at an age where these truths can be appreciated and make a difference.  Battles for a young person’s ethical development turn favorably when parents take the time to speak sincerely with their kids about their academic progress, social experiences, moral compass and decisions.  I hope that you take me up on my invitation to make excellent decisions and focus on real rabbits.

250+ Things To Do Without A Fake ID

This is a quick follow up on our attempt to morph college students into positive role models for their siblings, friends and peers.  Much of this change occurs when people start making better decisions as to what to do with their free time.  Trashing the fake ID and engaging in more productive activities is just one way to start.

To date - just a few weeks since we started - we have over 250 things to do without a fake ID.  Also, we have almost 300 people in our Facebook Group.

With this in mind, here is our next challenge.  I searched for “Fake ID” on Facebook and found a group with 850 members.  The problem is that this group is pro Fake IDs. It seems to me that our group should be larger than that.  Overwhelming support on our side will send a message to the larger community that there are people who care about these things.

You might be asking, “Who cares Professor C? We can’t change this.” Well, you might have sensed that I am both an idealist and an optimist. Think about this: studies show that many college students merely do what they feel everyone is doing - regardless of the consequences and regardless of whether everyone is indeed doing that thing!  This “logic” applies to excessive drinking as well. I have a feeling that underage drinking in college is, in fact, not as prominent as it appears to new students.  However, these young people are going to drink based on their perceptions.  We can help nudge them - and everyone really - in a more character-enhancing direction. It’s the least we can do considering the short- and long-term consequences.

Therefore:

Please invite your Facebook friends - at least those who who think will care - to join our Group and work on their character.  Let’s outnumber the other group by the end of the semester.

Great work!!

Prof. C

The Dumbest Thing You’ve Ever Done

Do you laugh often?  Do you take yourself too seriously?  I have found that the vast majority of people fall into one of these two categories.  I’d bet that you can instantly create a list of your friends, family members, etc. and put each one of them into one category or the other.  However, like all of my posts, this one is about YOU!!

Although we all sense that laughter has major psychological benefits, we don’t take advantage of them.  We don’t laugh enough.   We all take ourselves too seriously sometimes.  There are many causes for this phenomenon - most commonly stress related.  Another cause is that fact that life is tough - not every day is a laughing matter. However, let’s hope that your life isn’t super-stressful and super-tough every single day.  If it is, you need to be looking elsewhere for help.  For the rest of us, we need to work in more laughter into our average day.

I am interested in which category you fall into.  I want to know if you laugh often - at least one heart-felt laugh every day.  If you find that you take yourself too seriously then try this activity.  Think back to the dumbest thing that you’ve ever done.  Then, ask yourself how you can ever take yourself too seriously ever again.

I’ll start with my dumbest moment.  Please read carefully so that this never happens to you.

About six years ago, I ironed my own neck!  I was getting ready for an important job interview and was running late.  Walking out the door, I noticed a small wrinkle on my collar.  I sensed that trying to iron it ASAP was a bad idea but my shirt was already on and tucked in.  Not wanting to be late, I turned the iron to high and went for it.  It slipped a bit and it ran across 3/4 of my neck.  The wound made it look like I tried to kill myself.

So, I walked into the job interview and the first thing that the senior partner said was, “What happened?  Did you try to kill yourself this morning?”  He was clearly kidding but I couldn’t respond, “No sir.  I actually ironed my own neck this morning.  I make really good decisions so please hire me for your Mergers and Acquisitions team.”  So, I just looked away and whispered, “It’s just acne.”  What a mess.  Obviously, I did not get the job.

How can I ever take myself too seriously again after ironing my own neck!  I can tell you that other people find this story hilarious.  Although it was not very funny to me at the time, I have come to laugh at the situation every time it comes up.  Every time I feel serious, I think back and at least giggle inside.

With my mistake in mind, it’s your turn.  Please recount the dumbest thing(s) that you have ever done.  Use the comment section below.  We’ll let the world determine how your dumb move compares with mine.

100+ Things to Do Without a Fake ID

I am on a mission to encourage young people to avoid excessive drinking and, instead, become positive role models for their siblings, friends and peers.  I often feel like a failure here and so I need your help.  To this end, I am embarking upon a new project.

This project stems from a conversation with a former student who needed some advice.  She had lost her fake ID at a bar downtown.  The bar had it for her and she wanted to know whether she should go pick it up.  I strongly encouraged her to leave it and seek some more fulfilling activities to do with her friends.  To this advice she responded:

“But I can’t do anything with my friends around here without a fake ID!”

I just cannot bring myself to believe that this is true.  Help me out and post your top things to do without a fake ID.  I received the 100 submissions I was seeking in just over 8 hours and over 200 in three days.  Awesome!  So, let’s see how high we can go.
Being willing and able to have a good time without breaking the law is a sign of authentic success.  Please help me make a difference on this campus and elsewhere.  My students as well as our society will be better for it!

Here are the rules:

• You must post something unique for it to count. No repeats - this gets tougher as more activities are added.
• Take your own advice!!
• Encourage others to post - let’s make this a big deal.
• Join our Facebook group - 100+ Things to Do Without a Fake ID

Here is a start:

1.      Tell someone to read this list and then add something creative!
2.      Go to the zoo (zoo-lights in the winter)
3.      Take a football and a bunch of friends to Wash Park and play a few games of touch football
4.      Play Water Pong (in replace of beer pong) - use any sort of drink in replacement of alcohol (Energy Drink Pong tournaments are always fun)
5.      Have a guitar hero tournament for prizes - extended, multiple round tournaments are the best
6.      Bring firewood and a fire pit to the Cherry Creek Reservoir and have a bonfire
7.      GO TO SCHOOL SPORTING EVENTS
8.      Go to the Grizzly Rose (line dancing and country music)
9.      Take the light-rail downtown and walk around the 16th street mall - you can take carriage rides
10.   Go to the ESPN zone for dinner and a good time…it’s a blast!
11.   Instead of a normal movie go to the IMAX
12.   Go to a golf course and hit golf balls - or play Putt-Putt
13.   Play laser tag at Laser Quest
14.   Play Fugitive - assemble two teams of around 10 people. One team in cars and one team on foot. The team on foot has 20 minutes to find a hiding place and the team in cars can start searching for the foot team after 20 minutes. It’s like hide and seek with a twist. BE CAREFUL TO DRIVE SAFELY AND ABIDE BY ALL TRAFFIC LAWS.
15.   Go cosmic bowling
16.   Go downtown to an 18 and up bar or club and order virgin margaritas or daiquiris
17.   Go to a Rockies game and sit in the Rock Pile - next season
18.   Tailgate at a Bronco game
19.   For a date take a picnic to Wash Park…ride your bikes there
20.   Go to the batting cages
21.   Go to a concert at Fiddler’s Green
22.   Have a group of people over to barbecue and watch a sporting event - themed parties are the best - Examples: (1) you have to wear nuggets gear to get in the door or (2) dress like the players to get in the door
23.   Scary movie marathons
24.   Elevator tag (works for those people in dorms or apartment buildings) - one team is in the elevators. One team takes the stairs. The team on the stairs has to locate the team in the elevators. It’s hard because you never know what floor they are going to or which elevator they are in!
25.   Ouija board night - light candles and wake up the spirits!!!
26.   Go see a play at the Buell Theater
27.   Take a group of people to the corn maze or a haunted house - around Halloween
28.   Pumpkin carving party
29.   Watch Fletch and Fletch Lives with Chevy Chase
30.   Go Ice-Skating
31.   Game night…with teams, points, and prizes
32.   Dave N’ Busters…so much fun!
33.   Relive your childhood and go play on the swings -Amazing stress reliever!
34.   Have themed movie nights or watch marathons of your favorite T.V. show
35.   Go swing dancing (or take classes) at the Mercury Cafe
36.   Play old video games
37.   Check in with an old friend from elementary school
38.   Call your mom
39.   Call your dad
40.   Call your grandparents
41.   Bake cookies together! - or brownies, cakes, etc.
42.   Grab a group of friends and go to Jump Street (It’s a big warehouse with it’s floor covered by trampolines)
43.   Go to Skate City to roller skate with friends
44.   Insert any of Colorado’s 53, 14′ers here _______
45.   Walk around the Botanical Gardens
46.   Sit outside the Starbucks on 16th Street and people watch
47.   Play frisbee and/or bocci ball at the park
48.   Have friends over for poker night
49.   Go see a musical or opera
50.   Still go to the club but not to drink
51.   Go to the mountain to enjoy beautiful sceneries.
52.   Play computer games
53.   Offer to wash someone’s car
54.   Purchase seasonal ticket at Six Flags and ride all the roller coasters there one time a week.
55.   Go camping
56.   Do a crossword puzzle
57.   Run a half-marathon
58.   Go out to dinner at a nice restaurant
59.   Have a picnic in the park
60.   Go to a show (play, musical, stand-up comedy, etc.)
61.   Go to a museum
62.   Take your little cousin for ice cream
63.   Go to a professional sporting event
64.   Make out with someone you like
65.   Update your resume - this is fun for some (i.e.. Prof. C)
66.   Watch an entire season of 24 in one weekend - Jack Bauer rocks
67.   Make 5 minute Chocolate Mug Cake in the microwave (Hint: T = tablespoon)

• Put into your favorite coffee mug: 4 T flour, 4 T sugar, 2 T cocoa powder (not cocoa mix)

• Add one egg, 3 T milk, 3 T vegetable oil, 3 T chocolate chips and 1 tsp vanilla

• Stir well, then put in the microwave for three minutes. The cake will rise over the top of the mug - don’t be alarmed!

• Allow to cool, then tip out on a plate

68.   TIVO a program and watch only the commercials
69.   Have a fondue party
70.   Go to random car dealerships and see who can get a dealer to let them test drive the most expensive car
71.   Go to Cherry Creek Mall for some much needed shopping.
72.   Go to the Outlets in Silverthorne - see the mountains and go shopping
73.   Go Ice Blocking - buy a 10LB block of ice at Safeway, sit on it and ride it down a grassy hill
74.   Snowboarding / Skiing - can’t believe that wasn’t taken yet
75.   Go-Karting at Bandimere Raceway
76.   Take a road trip with your friends
77.   Go to a comedy show
78.   Reconnect with an old high school friend
79.   Go sledding (like when you were a kid)
80.   Cook a huge dinner (one that you’ve never heard of or never tried) for your PARENTS
81.   Become a mentor and help a high school senior fill out their college application (It is SO rewarding!!!)
82.   ROADTRIP!
83.   Play a good game of Texas Hold ‘Em or Scrabble Slam (<- Very funny)
84.   Take a hike through Eldorado Canyon
85.   Throw a pool party
86.   Go to Observatory Park to see the stars
87.   Walk a big, hyper dog
88.   Get together with friends and make Halloween costumes inspired by Dr. Seuss, Looney Tunes or Walt Disney
89.   Help a friend study for a test
90.   Go sky diving or bungee jumping
91.   Have a Charlie Chaplin or ‘America’s Funniest Home Videos’ Marathon
92.   Go to a park with hills when it snows and go sledding with friends or family
93.   Have a “photoshoot” and take goofy pictures with friends and add them to a scrapbook
94.   Have a puzzle race with a friend
95.   Buy a helium tank (”eat” it) and play Karaoke Revolution (Lol, the funniest thing I ever did!!)
96.   Go to Boondocks ( Laser Tag, Go-Karts, etc.)
97.   Go to Heritage Square and ride the alpine slide
98.   Read a book
99.   Have a conversation with a friend (bonus points if you can get a stranger to talk with you)
100. Play hacky sack

Additional suggestions are in the comments below.

** EthicsPost does not condone illegal activities - keep it clean people!

Are You A Person of Character?

Are you a person of character? Do you have integrity?

Before you instinctively answer YES, think about the following anecdote. I ask these exact same questions to audiences of adults and students across the country every month. The results are startling.

Assume I have 100 audience members. I ask individuals in the crowd to raise their hands if they believe they are a person of character. Immediately, 100 hands shoot up. Then I say, “Okay . . . okay, keep your hand up if you are comfortable defining character for me?” At this point, something amazing happens - 100 hands go down immediately. Awkward? . . . you bet. If I inquire instead about integrity, I get the same results.

It is startling to me that people just assume that they have integrity / character but have not thought deeply enough about the matter to define each term with confidence. This would never happen if someone asked us about our favorite professional sports team or vacation destination. We would be able to talk for hours about these things. If we care so much about trivial matters, why don’t we care more about serious matters?

For the record, I define character as: (1) how you act when no one is looking and (2) how you act when you are just around your friends. When you are all alone in a room, do you cheat on an exam, mislead a client in an e-mail, or fudge a number on your taxes? Each of these actions says something about your character. When you go out at night or on the weekends, are you with decent people, at decent places and doing decent things? Or, are you at bad places, doing morally questionable things with suspect people? The places you go, the things you do and the people you associate with also say something about your character.

Defining integrity is a bit tougher. Great philosophers spent lifetimes pondering the definition of integrity. Such respect highlighted the importance of the concept as it relates to all aspects of personal and professional life. Although my efforts in comparison are feeble, I think daily about how best to define integrity - especially when exploring character with my undergraduate students.

My definition leans towards Aristotle’s framework of Virtue Ethics. Aristotle would argue that a person needs to practice certain virtues such as compassion, courage, honesty, loyalty and patience in order to lead the good life, to be truly happy. More specifically, he describes the importance of seeking the golden mean - the area between the excess and deficiency - of these virtues. Therefore, a truly honest person is neither a liar nor too blunt; a compassionate person is neither hard-hearted nor a doormat. In this vein, I view integrity as the virtue of all virtues - a sort of macro-virtue - the attainment of which is produced automatically as a result of striving to live a virtuous life.

In other words, people achieve integrity when they habitually strive for the golden means of each of the micro-virtues. Therefore, people cannot seek to improve their integrity per se. Instead, to achieve integrity, we all must be more courageous, compassionate, honest, loyal, patient, etc. and do so more often - both at home with our families and at the workplace with our colleagues and customers. The good news is that achieving integrity is always within our grasp - only a few virtues away!

With all this in mind, I encourage you to take an introspective look at the way you incorporate virtues into your own life. If you are a jerk - make a concerted effort to eliminate this deficiency and become more compassionate. If you are impatient- cut back on this excess and strive to become more patient. Virtues are developed with practice - so get to work! Then, the next time I ask you if you are a person of character, you can confidently keep your hand up while others shy away.

The Eye of the Tiger

I’m getting older - not old mind you, but older. I sense this because I find myself infatuated with the Big 80s channel on the radio. Driving around recently hoping to hear anything from Aerosmith or Van Halen, I was treated instead to an oldie from Survivor titled Eye of the Tiger. What’s the first thing that we think of when we hear the first part of this song? You know, the duh . . . duh-duh-duh . . . duh-duh duh?

Rocky Balboa, of course!

To me, the song embodies Rocky’s continuing battle to gain respect, learn from his mistakes, overcome obstacles and emerge from his fights victorious - even when he was a huge underdog. Many of us see a lot of our lives in the storyline.

No one can dispute that the Rocky series was exceedingly popular - grossing over $1 billion in box office sales since the first movie came out in 1976. The series was popular for one primary reason - it motivated everyone in the audience to improve, to be better than they were that evening in the movie theater. I distinctly remember leaving the movie and making a resolution to be a better person - physically, mentally, relationally, etc. Rocky’s character taught each of us about desire, hard work and competitiveness. Rocky was not the strongest or fastest guy around and he definitely was never given an advantage - and he still found a way to succeed! In the end, Rocky taught us about winning.

So, why is the concept of winning relevant on an ethics/character blog? I think you know where I’m going with this.

I have been observing and thinking a lot about the current generation of young people lately and one thing in particular is troubling to me - a general lack of competitiveness. This non-competitive nature is not universal by any means - but it’s noticeable.

In my academic role, I find it odd that some very intelligent young adults find it difficult to motivate themselves to reach beyond the assignments for insights, to attend anything offered outside of class, or to sit and think deeply about their purpose in life. Instead, they ponder what to wear to the parties happening that evening, whether X is going to be at the bar, if their fake ID will work and how many text messages await when class is over.

It’s as if the hard work necessary to achieve at this level is too overwhelming, too stressful and that gaining the ability to think is not as important as their professors claim. In the end, they don’t seem to care that other students are outperforming them. This lack of perspective shortchanges the profound opportunity each student has to make meaningful life improvements and succeed academically and in the workplace.

When students underachieve, I watch them shrug it off and make excuses for why it happened. “The class is too hard, the questions aren’t fair, I’m too tired, I’m too busy, that wasn’t in the slides, school isn’t all about grades” - sound familiar? The worst part of all of this is that no modifications in attitude are made and the underachievement reoccurs. It’s like Einstein said - “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Although poor results will always stem from poor preparation and a lack of desire, what is happening here is discouraging to me and, I can tell, even more discouraging to those directly involved. These young people recognize that something is wrong with this picture. I can see it in their eyes but not in their subsequent efforts. You might think that this is a characteristic of every generation of young people but I disagree. There is something different about what’s going on here.

A major part of the problem is that we adults have been pooh-poohing competitiveness for a while now. Youth soccer teams don’t “win” 2-1 anymore- they just “scored more goals than the other team.” Kids are banned from playing dodge ball in elementary schools because the game is “unfair, exclusionary and war-like.” There is an argument that basketball or other team sports are more appropriate for kids, but let’s use that logic rather than a ridiculous “war-like” analogy. In fact, it would be enlightening to ask someone in Afghanistan whose village was recently overtaken by the Taliban if their life at all resembled an American second-grade dodge ball game. This whole anti-competition attitude is all just a bit ridiculous. However, it’s being inculcated in our youth and doing more harm than good.

It’s obvious why this is happening - parents and educators are trying to shield kids from the downsides of competitiveness. And, there are downsides. It is wrong when competitiveness turns people into bullies who needlessly take advantage of others using superior strength and talent. It is also wrong when the desire to win morphs people into poor losers.

By no means am I advocating for this type of ultra-competitiveness. Trust me, I know people of this ilk. Keep in mind that it is a very bad thing to find yourself kicked out of a mini-golf course for yelling at your seven-year-old cousin who is up by four strokes. These downsides are less relevant to my point here, however, because they are part of an unhealthy desire to win. What I am advocating for is a reinvigorated motivation in young people to achieve healthy victories.

In life, sometimes it is important to be a bit competitive and strive to do the best you can given your resources and priorities. This is especially true when the goal is out of your immediate reach and when success requires great effort. Adopting this attitude provides motivational fuel helping you achieve your goals. Instead of excessively pondering the social scene, you should expend the extra energy and ponder how you can use your passions to make a contribution to the greater good. You should want to make our country and the world a better place. If you desire a more economically-based argument, keep in mind that you will soon enter a workplace where your boss will expect a competitive desire to achieve for the company and its stakeholders. Underachievement - allowing competitors to outsell, out-market, or out-think you - whether based on a lack of motivation or a general attitude of non-competitiveness will quickly cause you to dust off your resume.

Think of it this way - achieving one of the best grades in class or outperforming your peers/competitors ethically and with integrity is a healthy form of winning. The point is that we all need to realize that it’s okay to try and win in life. And, who knows, actually striving towards overachievement might even make positive results more likely to occur Commensurate with this statement is that trying to win means that you will certainly lose at times. It is also okay to lose in life as long as you prepared sufficiently, gave it enough effort and learned something from the occasion - at least you gave it a shot.

I enjoyed playing dodge ball as a kid and was hit in the head a few too many times for my parents I’m sure. But, I learned a great deal from getting hit, sitting out and anticipating my chance to get back in the game. When I got knocked down, I got up and kept playing - I wanted to win. This is an instinctive reaction for a kid that shouldn’t be stifled. When I got up, I had a renewed desire to: (1) do better so that I could stay in the game, (2) avoid getting hit the same way as last time and (3) help my team succeed. Dodge ball was good for me - when I won I was happy and when I lost I was sad but I learned that I could not win every time. In fact most of my losses in life have been sad but have been good for me in the long run. I have developed an attitude of consistent persistence that grows stronger every time I lose.

Young people - it’s time to adopt an attitude of healthy competitiveness and a desire to win. The world needs you to get up when you fall and try again, to rise above seemingly insurmountable challenges and to strive for authentic success. None of this can happen by osmosis. So, find the energy, take a few risks, try to overachieve more often than not, watch a Rocky movie - whatever it takes. Now it’s your time to make it happen . . . duh . . . duh-duh-duh . . . duh-duh duh!