Make Excellent Decisions - Advice for Young Adults and Parents

Bad decisions affect each of our lives regardless of age.  Problematically, when a decision backfires, we pout about making a mistake and doubt our future abilities; we take two steps back for every step we move forward.  Even worse, the bad decisions we all make wreak havoc in our lives and create stress that damages our bodies and minds.  One way to counteract habitual bad decision-making is to make excellent decisions as often as possible.

Young adults, in particular, need to make better decisions and make them more consistently.  This is especially true when it comes to this issues that young people struggle with most often – time management, priorities and perspective.  Bad decisions in these areas do not happen in isolation.  There are actually many causes lurking in the background such as: (1) lack of forethought, (2) inability to analyze consequences, (3) fleeting time, (4) fear of failure and (5) peer pressure.  Each of these represents a hurdle standing guard in front of the primary goal – an excellent decision.

At the college level, individual students can advance far ahead of the pack by consistently making excellent decisions in both the academic and social spheres.  Excellent decisions in the academic arena include going to class – every class, every quarter – and avoiding schedules filled with “easy” courses.  This process gets a bit tougher when students decide how to prepare for each class.  The secret here is to study to retain information over the long haul and walk away from each course with toolbox accessible later in life.  To make this happen, students should actually think about the concepts involved in each subject and read assigned materials carefully instead of skimming chapters and memorizing facts for a test.  Although these types of decisions may seem like no-brainers from afar, seemingly innocuous pressures such as friends heading to the mountains on a Thursday night or the avoidance of a studious image, hover like a dark cloud above undergraduates.  In the end, however, students who consistently make excellent academic decisions find themselves mentally prepared to contribute to a society that desperately needs their talents.

On the social front, things get a bit more complicated.  I believe that an important part of the college experience occurs when students discover the middle ground between excessive socializing and excessive studying.  Unfortunately, the vast majority of undergraduates find themselves at either end of the spectrum and nowhere near the middle.  Excellent decision makers, however, learn to live a balanced life and to make decisions that help create this balance.

An example of bad decisions at the social end of the spectrum is telling.  Over the past three years, I have witnessed many students who choose to party on multiple nights per week.  It comes as no surprise that these same students subsequently run out of time for more important activities such as classes, team meetings and student groups.  For some reason, students fail to realize that the amount of time in each day remains fixed even as they continue to add more to their plates.  The result of this excessive socializing – i.e., a bad decision – causes otherwise intelligent students to neglect their sleep, health and homework and put forth lackluster efforts in their classes.  This behavior is a perfect recipe for a poor grade and, more importantly, causes students to take little substantive knowledge away from important classes.  This type of behavior is how bad social decisions lead directly to bad academic decisions.  Students quickly find themselves caught in a difficult situation having to catch up on assignments and on rest while also neglecting friends who pressure them to socialize as usual.

My advice to escape this vicious circle is to ponder Cash’s story with the students in your lives and encourage them to make excellent decisions.  The reason that parents should be involved in this process is that young people look up to and follow the examples set by their parents.  This is true regardless of whether such decisions are excellent, good, bad or even outrageous.  With this in mind and as a role model, it is not a bad idea to strive and make each of your decisions excellent as well.  Here are a few decision-making tools to think about before making your next important decision:

• Slow things down – We tend to make decisions with great haste. I understand that it is a hustle-bustle, instant messaging world out there.  Unfortunately, a rush to judgment usually leads to a bad decision.  A better idea is to follow the example of great athletes who excel when they are able to slow things down before swinging at a pitch or shooting a basketball.  You too should slow things down and see the entire picture more clearly before you make any important decision;

• Gather sufficient evidence about potential consequences of the decision – Who wants to think about consequences when it is so much easier and less mind-numbing to cross our fingers and wing it?  It turns out, however, that understanding what might happen after we make choices is important in making excellent decisions.  Therefore, the mental energy required to think about and analyze the consequences of each important decision is well worth the effort;

• Avoid making decisions stemming from anger – It is ironic that we never feel good in the long-run about the decisions we make out of anger or spite even though these same decisions seem appropriate as we make them.  Instead of making a decision in an aggravated state, set aside some quiet, alone time to think and then supplement your thought process later with advice from a parent or other mentor;

• Consult your moral compass before deciding – This is the most important decision-making tool of all.  Your moral compass is your internal GPS – your guide to living a life filled with character.  Your moral compass will point you in the right direction and, if you cannot hear it, make sure to turn off the mute button; and

• Take personal responsibility for your mistakes – Instead of blaming others for a bad decision, own it, learn from it and then get up, shrug it off and move forward.

At the end of the day, chasing real rabbits is what really matters at all stages of a person’s life.  Knowing what I know now, I would take authentic success over worldly success any day.  Unfortunately for me, it took a long time to realize the difference between the two and make some substantial changes.  Fortunately for you, parents are blessed with the opportunity to discuss these issues now with students who are at an age where these truths can be appreciated and make a difference.  Battles for a young person’s ethical development turn favorably when parents take the time to speak sincerely with their kids about their academic progress, social experiences, moral compass and decisions.  I hope that you take me up on my invitation to make excellent decisions and focus on real rabbits.

250+ Things To Do Without A Fake ID

This is a quick follow up on our attempt to morph college students into positive role models for their siblings, friends and peers.  Much of this change occurs when people start making better decisions as to what to do with their free time.  Trashing the fake ID and engaging in more productive activities is just one way to start.

To date - just a few weeks since we started - we have over 250 things to do without a fake ID.  Also, we have almost 300 people in our Facebook Group.

With this in mind, here is our next challenge.  I searched for “Fake ID” on Facebook and found a group with 850 members.  The problem is that this group is pro Fake IDs. It seems to me that our group should be larger than that.  Overwhelming support on our side will send a message to the larger community that there are people who care about these things.

You might be asking, “Who cares Professor C? We can’t change this.” Well, you might have sensed that I am both an idealist and an optimist. Think about this: studies show that many college students merely do what they feel everyone is doing - regardless of the consequences and regardless of whether everyone is indeed doing that thing!  This “logic” applies to excessive drinking as well. I have a feeling that underage drinking in college is, in fact, not as prominent as it appears to new students.  However, these young people are going to drink based on their perceptions.  We can help nudge them - and everyone really - in a more character-enhancing direction. It’s the least we can do considering the short- and long-term consequences.

Therefore:

Please invite your Facebook friends - at least those who who think will care - to join our Group and work on their character.  Let’s outnumber the other group by the end of the semester.

Great work!!

Prof. C

The Dumbest Thing You’ve Ever Done

Do you laugh often?  Do you take yourself too seriously?  I have found that the vast majority of people fall into one of these two categories.  I’d bet that you can instantly create a list of your friends, family members, etc. and put each one of them into one category or the other.  However, like all of my posts, this one is about YOU!!

Although we all sense that laughter has major psychological benefits, we don’t take advantage of them.  We don’t laugh enough.   We all take ourselves too seriously sometimes.  There are many causes for this phenomenon - most commonly stress related.  Another cause is that fact that life is tough - not every day is a laughing matter. However, let’s hope that your life isn’t super-stressful and super-tough every single day.  If it is, you need to be looking elsewhere for help.  For the rest of us, we need to work in more laughter into our average day.

I am interested in which category you fall into.  I want to know if you laugh often - at least one heart-felt laugh every day.  If you find that you take yourself too seriously then try this activity.  Think back to the dumbest thing that you’ve ever done.  Then, ask yourself how you can ever take yourself too seriously ever again.

I’ll start with my dumbest moment.  Please read carefully so that this never happens to you.

About six years ago, I ironed my own neck!  I was getting ready for an important job interview and was running late.  Walking out the door, I noticed a small wrinkle on my collar.  I sensed that trying to iron it ASAP was a bad idea but my shirt was already on and tucked in.  Not wanting to be late, I turned the iron to high and went for it.  It slipped a bit and it ran across 3/4 of my neck.  The wound made it look like I tried to kill myself.

So, I walked into the job interview and the first thing that the senior partner said was, “What happened?  Did you try to kill yourself this morning?”  He was clearly kidding but I couldn’t respond, “No sir.  I actually ironed my own neck this morning.  I make really good decisions so please hire me for your Mergers and Acquisitions team.”  So, I just looked away and whispered, “It’s just acne.”  What a mess.  Obviously, I did not get the job.

How can I ever take myself too seriously again after ironing my own neck!  I can tell you that other people find this story hilarious.  Although it was not very funny to me at the time, I have come to laugh at the situation every time it comes up.  Every time I feel serious, I think back and at least giggle inside.

With my mistake in mind, it’s your turn.  Please recount the dumbest thing(s) that you have ever done.  Use the comment section below.  We’ll let the world determine how your dumb move compares with mine.