Ethics At The Car Wash
Posted by Corey on June 24, 2008
A few weekends ago, I pulled into the jam-packed, do-it-yourself, local carwash and waited somewhat impatiently for the car ahead of me to pull out (as an aside, I am working on the virtue of patience). At the same time, my counterpart in the leftmost lane awaited an opening in his stall. He had arrived before I had and was towing two dirty motorcycles behind his truck.
What happened next is a bit hard to believe – but stick with me. His stall opened up first and he pulled one bike inside while another family member left the truck and began the wash. A few minutes later, my stall opened up and my neighbor quickly produced and placed a large plastic box in front of my car to block my path. He then pulled the other bike into my stall and began the wash. In disbelief, I rolled down my window and asked if he was seriously making this move.
His reply, “Yeah . . . What are you going to do about it?”
I glanced over towards his truck and saw that his mother had gotten out and witnessed the entire incident. This seemed like a good thing at the time and I was sure that she would correct this injustice and – at the same time – let her kid know that this was unacceptable behavior. I mean, if you’re willing to stiff someone at the carwash in front of your own mother then you have serious problems.
I looked towards the mother and said, “Did you see what just happened?”
To this she responded, “YOU SHUT UP. YOU JUST SHUT UP!”
More pleasantries came out as my window went up. Quickly, my exasperation transferred from this kid directly to his mother. It became obvious to me that this young person was merely emulating the typical behavior of his parent. Heck, the “large-plastic box-in-the-adjoining-lane” carwash trick might even have been her idea! At the end of the day, although waiting an extra five minutes in the carwash was a small price to pay to relate this story to my audiences, I still find myself in awe that an adult/parent reacted this way.
The moral of this story: there are many people in our lives who look up to us and emulate our actions, reactions, decisions, priorities, perspectives and moral compass. We have stakeholders – people who are interested in us regardless of whether we know it or not and regardless of our consent. It is so important that we take the time to evaluate how we respond to situations – even those that occur at the carwash – so that we can react appropriately and with character when the next one arrives. Remember, your life is about more than just you! You never know who might be watching and who might make your modus operandi his/her own.
Posted under Decisions
That story blows my mind. It is absolutely ridiculous! Prof. C, you must be doing really well with working on your patience because I know that I definitely would have freaked out! I have also been working on the virtue of patience, and it has not come easily. This would have been one thing that I don’t think I could have taken. The inconsiderateness of some people today just boggles my mind. And the fact that this kid’s mother basically encouraged that type of behavior exemplifies how these actions are perpetuated. They simply don’t know any other way.
Hey Prof. C,
That story is crazy to hear about and I really like how you linked patience to admiration and imitation. I think that it is so true and people don’t even think about it. If someone who admires you sees you being patient, they are more likely to be patient as well. Additionally, God, for those who believe, is always watching and noticing your actions. I’m in Spain right now and realizing that the cultural differences in the way people act is being handed down from generation to generation as well here as at home. It’s the same “monkey see monkey do” concept, and I agree whole-heartedly that we need to keep challenging ourselves on our virtues to set great examples for those that look up to us.
Hey Prof C,
It is hard to believe that this event really happened. The part where the mother started yelling was especially ridiculous. But what was most unimpressive was the age in partnership with the actions. Could it be that it is a common occurence for adults to always carry remnants of their child mindsets? How can we break out of this child mold and into becoming what is called “an adult”? It seems we must always look up to stay in place, or in other words, of age.
Hey Prof. C,
I would’ve totally lost all patience and yelled at the woman. It’s ridiculous how kids or even young adults act anymore. They take after their parents. My parents taught me about virtue and ethics from when I was little. When will people, even adults, grow up and start acting like parents?
Hello Prof. C,
This story is kinda breaking my thought of people’s ethical behavior. I can’t believe that the woman was so unreasonalbe and the man behaved so rude. Consequently, They hardly care other people’s feeling. What they did can not be applied to the ethical frameworks except Utilitarianism. Obviosly, they behaved horribly and produced pain.
Hey there Professor C,
First, I must compliment you on your patience. To be completely honest if I were in that situation, I would have seriously considered just driving right over that women’s plastic bin. But I would have asked myself “if i would want to live in a world where all people acted so terribly rude and inconsiderate”. My answer would a big NO! So I would remain in my car calling that daft women several names in my head. Apparently this women has never hard of Jeremy Bentham or John Stuart Mills, if she had then he would have realized that her actions would not produce the greatest happiness for the greatest number. Going against the frame works of Utilitarianism. Thus making her and her sons actions unethical, and the fact that the mothers behavior being worse then the sons proves truth to the old saying that “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”. But hopefully these trees start teaching their apples a bit better manners!
Hello Prof. C,
As ridiculous as your story was, I can completely understand how much of an individual’s personality is affected by the people we look up to. Not only do young people look up to their parents, but also the celebrity figures in today’s society. When your apparent “role models” are in the paper/magazines checking into rehab, driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs, or harassing other people, it stands that many other people see that behavior as being the norm. It is a person’s responsibility to act in a way that is respectful to all concerned, as you never know who is watching and replicating your actions.
Hi Prof C,
First off, I love that you asked him “are you seriously making this move..” I can feel your tone and likely contained anger in such a response. It is likely that I too would have made this comment with a VERY red face.
Secondly, this situation seems all to common and totally ridiculous. I can think of many times when I have been unnecessarily cut in line on the ski hill or in a store’s check out line and depending on my mood going into the situation I react differently. By nature, I am nice and easy on others. Although, catch me at the right time and I can be hot headed and rude to a perpetrator.
What I am getting at is that situations like this make me question who I am and what I want to be, as a reflection of the wrongdoer’s actions I witnessed. After my initial response (which in the past has been both fair and sometimes unfair), I see a larger picture of the scenario which highlights one’s character. In this moment I realize the importance of holding myself to a higher standard and staying true to my character. Like you have advised, spend time around people who exhibit virtues that you yourself wish to possess through practice. Undoubtedly we come into contact with persons of less virtues than we ourselves posses, but let these interactions be examples of how not to act. Use motorbike washing boy and his lack of respect for others as a reflection board for our own nature. Strive to be better, much better, and suck up the disgust of the scene.
Thanks for sharing this instance!
-Jenny
Hello Prof. C,
First of all, it does not surprise me that people in our neighborhood would act this way, but the underlying issue of neglecting ethics is rather disturbing. Like we talked about in class, people do not take the time to think through the categorical imperative or create a hedonistic calculus chart to determine if their actions are ethical or not, so it can be explained why these folks acted this way. Obviously these people do not encompass the virtue of kindness, but your demonstration of patience can only help them work their way towards the golden mean of kindness, for you are more likely to do as you see, and to see you being kind by waiting, can hopefully make them want to think twice before cutting you off. This theory of “do as you see” then explains why the child acted like his mom in the first place, for if she is rude and impatient all the time, then the son is going to be rude and impatient as well. In the end, if people would just think before they do, the world would be a much more virtuous place.
Patience is definitely a virtue that must be practiced before it is manifested. I do feel that we often times forget how much of an impact our actions and words can have on others and their perception of us as an individual. It is in moments like this that our character is truly tested. We can either take the easy way out and lose our temper, or we can walk the high road and set the example. Ultimately it is a choice we have to make.
Hey Prof. C,
I give you props for rolling that window back up, because I definitely know a lot of people who would have come out of the car and started a yelling match. Sometimes i think it is unbelievable how rude some people act, wether it be because of their non existent ethics or just bad timing. I also think that everyone has ethics, sometimes though, their ethics are slightly askew. Children do not always take after their parents, many times they become the opposite of their parents, but in this case the boy and mother were completely out of line.
Sometimes it amazes me that people find it ok to do things like that. Was it really that much of a problem to wait a bit and wash the other bike in their stall. I really feel that it is appalling that a parent would not only let this happen but approve of this action. It just goes to show that the influence parents have on their kids can be significant.
Professor C,
This story actually disturbed me a little bit. I tend to hold others to a very high standard ethically. Especially as Americans, I feel as though our founding priciples teach us to be more concerned with our duty to be civil to each other than worrying solely about #1.
Sadly, this seems to be all too common of an occurrence. People seem to be ready to do whatever they need to in order to make their own lives even a little bit easier, which is usually at the cost of others. While this is not true across the board and there are plenty of examples that would argue the opposite to be true, it is entirely too common. Children are emulating what they see and adults are not realizing this, or simply don’t care. Both of which are incredibly unfortunate, and they both perpetuate the cycle.
I too am trying to work on my patience, though situations like this are aggravating.
In this type of situation, I would really have had so much trouble keeping my cool. One one hand, you feel like you have been treated unfairly and have a right to defend yourself and claim that car wash spot, but then you really have to ask yourself if you want to stoop down to that other person’s level, or live in such a world where everyone disregards respect for others. Waiting the extra five minutes at the car wash, and not causing a scene out of another persons bad behavior really proves that there are some ethical people left in this world, and we really should strive to behave like them!
Hey Professor C,
I think you are dead on about the importance of thinking about the type of example your are setting on yourself, but equally importantly on the people around you. I constantly observe and analyze people’s behavior around me and it does have an influence on my own behavior. The world could use more good role models to set examples for the younger generations. I wonder what other “family traditions” the car wash hijackers participate in.
Hey Prof C,
This story is so fascinating to me! I can’t believe that there are still actually people out there who behave like this, and especially teach their children that this type of behavior is appropriate! It would have been so easy to stoop down to their level and start an argument, but that is when we have to ask ourselves: “Do we really want to live in a world where everyone acts like this?” Striving towards the golden mean of being patient, calm and collected was definitely what the more virtuous person would have done!
People act in ways that I do not understand more often than I would like them to. I really do not understand why somebody would think it is ok to act like this, let alone have the action condoned by a parental figure. I am not amazed that you kept your cool, because you practice what you preach, but can only work on my patience. I probably would not have remained so collected…I tend to have a history of losing my temper at times like these. However, I am not sure that losing my temper does anything. In situations like this, I will strive to come a little closer to the Golden Mean, by remaining calm and realizing that it is only another 5 minutes (which is hardly worth getting completely worked up over.)
I definitly believe that as a true leader or even as a mother or caretaker that it’s beyond important to be a role model and lead by example. Be ethical, moral, sympathetic, caring and appreciative and be mindful of others through your daily activities. For this example it’s obvious that the mother didn’t teach her son the correct actions to take in life. Conflict and rudeness is awful and now way to go about life. I hate hate HATE conflict and always try and resolve any problems before something like this erupts. I probably would’ve only stared at this mother and son, it would take a lot of confidence for me to approach them and ask them why they’re acting that way.
Hi Prof. C!
I find this same kind of situation happening in all sorts of places (the mall, state fairs, parks, etc.). It is amazing how parents think certain actions only affect their child when in fact it is ALL of them. The thing that I have come across in my life experiences are the people that have grown up in this kind of environment where their parents are not the best role-models. These people either use it as a crutch or have moved beyond it. I admire and emulate those who move beyond it because I think if you use it as a crutch that person is only making yet another excuse and not holding themselves accountable. I look at my a dad as an example of a person who moved beyond his tough parental situation. He did not have a good role-model as a mother and had not father to look to since his died when he was three years old. However, he chose to become a person opposite of what he grew up knowing because he wanted to be a better person than he was told he could be. Tough experiences should be seen as difficult events that will ulimately give way to sucess. We need to take innitiative for ourselves, start doing the right thing, and become a better person.
Hello Professor Ciocchetti,
That would be very upsetting and I know you used more patience than I would have. Well what kind of car were you in? If you were in your BMW, then I personally would freak out cause he was using your stall to clean his dirty motorcycles! Now the brush that you are going to use on your nice clear paint, is filled up with mud and other junk. But that’s just me! For the part about looking up to people I know exactly what you mean. I normally would be really upset and would probably end up moving the box and then use the logic that my car is bigger than your bike, so move! But a little while ago a similar situation happened to my dad when I was with him. I thought he was going to get mad, but instead he stayed calm about it. He then explained to me that we can’t let people like this get us all worked up. He said it was a small thing that wouldn’t affect him in the long run so there was no reason to get into an argument about it. Because I look up to my dad and I saw him acted this way, I now “try” to use this logic when this type of thing happens to me.
That would be very upsetting and I know you used more patience than I would have. Well what kind of car were you in? If you were in your BMW, then I personally would freak out cause he was using your stall to clean his dirty motorcycles! Now the brush that you are going to use on your nice paint is filled up with mud and other junk. But that’s just me! For the part about looking up to people I know exactly what you mean. I normally would be really upset and would probably end up moving the box and then use the logic that my car is bigger than your bike, so move! But recently a similar situation happened to my dad. I thought he was going to be mad, but instead he stayed calm about it. He then explained to me that we can’t let people like this get us all worked up. He said it was a small thing that wouldn’t affect him in the long run so there was no reason to get into an argument about it. Because I look up to my dad and I saw him act this way, I now “try” to use this logic when this type of thing happens to me.
Hey Prof. C,
I have heard you tell this story before, and every time I hear it I am more and more surprised by the actions of this parent and kid. Congrats to you for how patient you were in the situation. Because I am more shy and reserved, I probably would have not even asked if he was seriously making that move. This is one of those situations where you could get really mad and pissed off and possible let it ruin your day. Or you can look at it, and realize that this individual obviously has a problem. I almost feel bad for the guy who did that to you because he obviously does not understand a thing about character; it is sad. You are right. You never know who is watching and that is why I strive to be a person of high integrity with good character all the time, even when no one is watching.
- MK
Well I have to say you reacted with a whole lot more composure then I would have, and I commend you for it. Situations like this one are bound to happen every day and we’re all likely to have to deal with one sooner or later. Being able to keep you cool the way you did shows so much about your character and you’re ability to look at a negative situation with a big picture perspective and realize that getting angry about it wouldn’t be worth it at the end of the day. This kind of composure take time, and I for one know I need to work on it. Thanks for the strong words of wisdom as we tackle these testing situations.
Hey Professo C,
I can not believe how ridiculous this story is! It reminded me a lot of your discussion about luck. Obviously this kid has not yet been lucky enough to find an appropriate role model to teach him ethical ways of behavior. I’ve also learned however, that it is not too late for him to change his ways. He just needs to put in some hard work and gain some insight about ethics!
Hi Prof. C,
I’m amazed at some of the things people do. This was by far one of the more ridiculous actions I’ve heard of someone doing. I understand that the guy needed to wash the bikes, but you don’t block someone off to make this happen. As nice as you are, he could have asked politely and you would have probably let him wash the bike. I give you props for not going off on him. I think I speak for everyone by saying this wasn’t any easy thing to do. Most people would have blown up.
-Matt
I have pondered this post over the past few weeks trying to figure out how to address this sad lack of respect and integrity displayed by both the boy and his mother at the car wash. As you have often mentioned of your audiences, many young people were never told or taught the importance of having integrity. I feel that the nurture of children greatly influences their ultimate character, but it must be actively nourished by both encouragement and reprimanding by parents. Regretfully, as I have been observing my elders, I have begun to realize that the lack of integrity in my generation is somewhat a product poor role models and guidance. I have actively been observing people and have concluded that a large group of adults have either forgotten what they learned from their parents and have veered away from the character they once held at such a high level or they too never received the necessary guidance. They begin to fight in relationships, act irrationally and irritably and forget where their own character stands. It is almost as if some feel entitled to act this way with age and “experience”. This often hinders the development of strong morals and ethical standards among their own children. Of course, adults are definitely not to blame entirely and I do not mean to sound as though I am making excuses for the actions of my generation. These are just my observations. Some youth, despite a lack of nurture, have developed the capacity to recognize right from wrong and good from bad, but others learn by directly copying the actions of their elders who seem wiser and more capable. Due to the latter form of development, adults must consistently be reminded to uphold their integrity or continue to strive for the Golden Mean throughout life so as to make a lasting and valuable impression on future generations.
Professor,
You don’t give yourself enough credit for your patience. I can’t imagine sitting cooly through this whole situation. Yet I do understand that it is important to realize that this kid’s behavior is reasonable as he grew up with his mother. This being the case, a confrontation is hardly appropriate, however attractive. The important lesson to take from this is definitely that impressionable youths will emulate the actions of their parents and other significant figures in their lives. If they have don’t have a positive role model then they are seemingly destined to be of unsound character. Thus, it becomes important for everyone to strive to be of better character because this will resonate positively in the lives of others. You’ve definitely got your patience in order though. After reading this, I feel like I need to work on mine. I really don’t know if I could have stayed cool and reasonable through that car wash.
I can not believe that someone would actually think that it is acceptable to do this! Did his kindergarden teacher not teach him how to wait his turn? If he can’t even wait in line, i hate to think what other types of rules he breaks. I do agree that others are constantly watching us and using us as their role models, even if we don’t see it. I have a lot of younger cousins, and I have to be careful with what I do and say when they are around because they emulate me. Acting in a virtuous manner is something that we must strive to do all the time, not just when we THINK someone is watching.
Hi Professor C.-
This is a true testament to the declining character and ethical outlook of the youth and general population today. I find it sad to see that people act like this. I agree that these situations relate heavily to a lack of ethics and character, but I also think it has a lot to do with how self-absorbed people have become. I think that so many people today are so self-absorbed thinking about what they have to do next that they do not realize what they are doing. Unfortunately, I do not think that the person you encountered at the car wash even thought back about the issue and felt remorseful later in the day. This is sad that we are at the point in time when people not only do not care about other people, but cannot even compose themselves to practice even the most basic level of respect towards another individual. People today just care where they have to be next. I admire your patience in this situation because I would have exited my vehicle and voiced my opinion to the parent of how she is directly contributing to downfall of character and ethics in this country. I would remind her that as an individual with advanced years like hers she should conduct herself in a manner that portrays her as honorable, respectable, and ethical; especially in the presence of her child.
This situation also makes me truly consider why the youth today is so unethical. Everything that the youth witnesses outside of their homes is already unethical: businesses (Enron), movie stars (in and out of rehabilitation centers), and just the overall negative attitude of the basic news media. If parents are acting this way with their children, we have a very dark future ahead of us. I cannot imagine growing up in an environment where my own parents were not acting ethically around me. It is time that people start slowing down and realizing what is truly important in life. I am guilty of this too, but I hope not to this extent. We all are programmed to move so fast and always be looking ahead, but somewhere along the way we forgot about the present. It is time individuals’ start living in the present because we only get one shot at life and it will probably be a sad one if it is being thought about, not lived.
Jim
This story takes a very valuable look at judging one’s character. Being a person who is graduating soon, I have forced myself to evaluate the way my actions represent me. Perception and judgment is made and cast no matter what the situation. By making sure you present yourself in a manner where you can look yourself in the mirror and be proud of yourself; you can rest assured you are always in the clear.
Professor C.,
This story sounds ridiculous. I would not of happen the patience you did and instead would of jumped out of the car and probably made a scene. It is sad to think that a mother would teach their kids to physically block you from washing your car so that they could do what they wanted at their convenience. It just goes to show that some parents these days are still not teaching what is ethical or unethical.
Hi Professor C.,
The car wash story is quite shocking. It really makes me wonder what makes people act so selfish and arrogant and how we can help those people to see outside of their little world. People seem to be so stressed out about wasting time that they forget that others exist as well. This reminds me somewhat of my brother – he cannot stand me driving because I will keep long distance with the car in front of me even in traffic and let everybody go. In his opinion I am wasting time, in my view I am being a safe driver, who is considered of others and knows how hard sometimes is to merge into a lane. The total of two minutes I will “waste” letting other people go is worth the peace of mind I get from being a careful driver. Furthermore, I believe that by being nice and letting people go in front of me will make those same people think and be considered when somebody is trying to merge into their lane. I totally agree that every one of us is responsible for acting morally not just because of ourselves but also to set an example. When our friends see that we are acting out of character and doing the right thing, little by little they will start second guessing their choices and also try to be better people.
Hey Professor C,
I just finished reading your blog entry about your car wash experience. I am able to relate to your same experience whether it be waiting for a car wash at the dealership or when I am on the golf course and the people in front of me are playing really slow. I was stunned by the mothers response in your story. I would figure that she would be on your side, but no she defended her child. I feel like this shows how selfish and rediculous people can be. In the end, I would say that this situation was unethical and the mother should have shown you better respect.
Adam Greenberg
It is amazing that the kid’s mother does not discipline him and she even seems to encourage this rude behavior. If parents don’t teach their kids these lessons, who will. It is mainly the parents resposibilty, but is it also the resposibility of teachers, bosses, friends and society in general to teach kids like these a lesson in ethics and manners? I am not saying that you should have tried to teach him a lesson at the car wash, but if his parents are not going to do it, then who is?
Hey Professor C,
After reading this blog entry, I couldn’t believe that his mother came out and started yelling. She is supposed to be a role model for her son, but if she acts that way how are we supposed to expect her son to be any better? I would have thought that his mother taught him better, and to be more polite. The mother should have definitely shown you more respect as you had been waiting in line, she had no right to come out and yell at you just because you asked her son if he was really doing what he was doing. This shows that she has not been teaching her kid how to act in an ethical and moral manner, which is sad. There is still time for him to change, which hopefully he does, but his mom needs the change too.
Hey Professor C,
Its hard to believe this story actually happened. I might expect this from a couple teenagers pulling a prank but the part that gets me is that the mother was running the operation. I cant believe you kept control of yourself! If that happened to me I’d be throwing the plastic box at thier truck and most likely be flaunting my middle finger. I know thats not the “correct” response but some people need to be taught a lesson, and this story sounds like one of those times.
Hey Professor,
This story is sadly not an uncommon occurrence in today’s society. Too often inconsiderate people such as the two individuals you encountered bring upstanding citizens down. You were perfectly within your rights to respond to this injustice with similarly unethical actions. When the rude arrogant neanderthal responded, “What are you going to do about it?,” you could have easily allowed yourself to be brought down to his inconceivable level of stupidity. There is a simple quote that sums up this situation. “It is hard to soar with Eagles when you are surrounded by Turkeys.” This man and his mother are part of the flock of Turkeys that spend their lives wallowing in the dirt and muck. They do not know any better. They have never experienced the joys of flying high in the clouds. Your decision to refrain from diving to earth to walk with the Turkeys was the correct. This man and woman would have learned nothing no matter how reasonable your argument. Besides have you ever seen an Eagle walk on the ground. It is not a sight to be envied.
They must be rednecks from North Dakota…just kidding….
Isn’t it bad enough that we have to be concerned with terrorists, murderers, and other abusers, yet we still have to put up with the irritations of rude behavior? I just don’t get why people believe they have the given right to be rude. This world would be a better place to live if everyone just lived by the Golden Rule. I believe that the loss of simple civility in social situations is a sign of a crumbling civilization. Rudeness, the loss of “social lubricants” such as please and thank you and simple politeness indicate that people are too stressed out to bother anymore. They are alienated from others. That people are becoming more and more rude is a very bad sign. When you think of all the people in the world, their different scenarios and life experiences, it is impossible to state why you may catch an attitude of rudeness from someone. There are and can be many reasons why a certain person acts very rude to you, however, you will drive yourself insane for no good reason trying to figure out why. Take it as life has thrown them an especially sour lemon or that you caught them at the wrong moment. You never want to come off as a person with no back bone so it is necessary to make it known that you have picked up on their tone. Back bones do not equal arguments or fight, they equal acknowledgment and being the bigger person and walking away.
Even though these people can be completely awful, at least we know they are much more unhappy than we are and that should make us feel so much better about out own lives…
Dear Professor C,
I really admire your patient because I know that I will lose my patient if I were in a situation like this. It is hard to believe that there are adult who act that way. the action that the mother and her kid did showed how unethical they react, and they have to be a shame of themselves.
Hey Professor,
I feel bad that you had to deal with those people yet your article made me think about my own encounters with similar situations. I agree that patience is one of the most important virtues. Someone once told me that the greatest teacher of patience is your enemy. The trouble people like this put you through only makes your a stronger and more patient person. These people at the car wash might have been a huge hassle but overall people like them remind us of how good our friends and family are. And sad enough to say I wasn’t too surprised the mother was yelling as well because she was the one who bestowed the same unfriendly morals into her son. Judging from this experience it seams you can find an ethical lesson everywhere you go.
This story is definitely not the only one of its kind. While most people would have just dealt with this rude behavior, I think its interesting that you actually spoke to the mother. A child can be the ultimate reflection of a parent, or they can be the complete opposite. In this case, it is probably the former. Her attitude about the incident clearly demonstrates the values and attitudes she has taught her son. In our society, parents can be the last good role model that a child has, or the first bad one. It’s disappointing that this woman takes such a negative attitude in something as minor as a car wash.
First of all I think it is great how you mentioned that you are practicing patience! I think it is very interesting to think about how people act in accordance to how their parents act. It is unfortunate that a lot of times we think one parent will act one way setting a good example for his or her child, but instead does not. In the summer I nanny for several different families, and it is very interesting to see the behavior between the parents and the child, as well as the behavior when the parent is not around. I have leaned that certain words or phrases as well as actions are preformed by the child that mirror that of the parents good and bad side. Back to washing your car, did you actually get to wash it?
This brings up a good point that relates to the issue of consistency of character. Similarly to the idea of “how you act when nobody is looking,” it is just as important that character be exhibited regardless of the situation. It is easy to say, “oh this is just a car wash, not work or church, it doesn’t matter how I act…” or “I have solid character but I am in a bad mood or it is just faster in this situation to take the easy route…” It is true, you never know who is watching and you never know how your actions affect others, especially with children, who are like sponges that just absorb everything around them. And you can even have an impact on strangers; I’m sure that woman at the car wash had no idea she was talking to an ethics professor and would the subject of a discussion such as this.
I have to say that your interpretation of this event really made me think of my family. In the past two years I have noticed that my younger brother has been looking up to me and trying to do things the same way. I am just starting to realize my impact on my younger sibling. Knowing someone close to you that looks up to you really does make you realize whos watching. I just thought it was really weird, and pretty cool, that the story reminded me of home.
I think this is like the concept of character being how you act when nobody is looking. Character needs to be consistent across the board - it’s easy to save it for work, school, church, friends or family but this just goes to show that you never know who is watching and who you could effect. Starting at home, the way you effect your children, who are like sponges that absorb everything around them, needs to be positive. I bet the woman at the car wash never thought that by just being like that towards a stranger that she would be the topic of an ethics discussion.
Professor C.
I take pride in the manner in which my parents raised me. For years i took it for granted. It was not until I came to college that I began to realize the ignorance and rude behavior of my peers. When you live on your own, you tend to get in touch with who you are, and what type of person you want to be. Since my beginning at DU, I have made a lot of friends, and seen a lot of those same people change for the worse. Time after time, i can not help but ask myself if their parents condone the type of behavior that they exhibit, and if not, then would their parents be embarrassed by the way that their children are acting? I have found through my own life experiences that more often then not, children and young adults mimic and are direct portrayals of the way that their parents behave. Often times, i expect more from our older generations. Just a comment…
I think that it is a great point to bring up the situation in which we assume that parents are more ethical than their children. I think that it is true that a lot of times, kids will act exactly as their parents would in any given situation. I mean after all, you are living with them your whole life, and they usually have the most influence on your choices and decisions. I think that it is interesting that you actually asked the mother if she was going to allow her kid to continue on with his behavior. I do agree that patience is definitely one of the most important qualities one can have. I feel like many situations and confrontations like this arise from someone lacking patience. I think that it just proves that everyone needs to slow down a bit and give in to other’s unethical judgements.
I think it shows the unhappiness that some people have to deal with on a daily basis. Clearly it is shocking, but could you imagine treating someone like that if you didn’t truly dislike yourself. Or, maybe the person was just a jerk.
Professor C
It always shocks me when incidents play out that way. I have been in my fair share of situations where I cannot even argue with people because I am so disappointed with mankind. People may not understand the impact of their actions and what type of example they are setting.
I feel that parents setting the wrong example is the root of a lot of problems we have in this world. It becomes a cycle where bad parents will raise their children to be bad parents and so on. People will unknowingly follow the example of their peers. Therefore, it is always important to act as if someone is watching your actions.
Professor C,
I think you have made some good points here. Patience is always a hard virtue to attain. I have this problem a lot. I am not a very patient person and sometimes it results in rash decisions that I later regret. I also agree you that people act like the people they grow up with like the kid who acted like his mother at the car wash. I have noticed my dad has the tendency to have little patience and that is where I believe I get it from. The good thing is I have caught myself not being patient and I will continue to work on it.
Reading your story made me realize that you are by far a better person than myself. I’m pretty sure I would have gotten out of the car and explained to him what I might do about it. Thinking about this though, I feel like I should also work on my patience and car wash rage. Getting out of the car would have probably done one of two things. one - wasted a lot more time yelling, arguing and the guy still washes his bike, or two - the mother and son team fight you, the cops are called, and the kid still gets his bike washed….So I think you did the right thing. Plus while you sit there waiting for your turn, you can look into your future, and if you decide to have children, make a promise that you will always teach them to stay in one car wash lane
Prof. c !
It is nice to see your wonderful reaction. Yes we might find some STRANGE or CRAZY people outside but we should be patient and we should be respectful because these situations don’t last forever; for example, it was five minutes in your case. Also, it looks like you were expecting his mother to be better than the son, but it looks like she was WORST than her son. I learned 2 important things from this story. First, always respect people, and i learned that families play a very big rule in making our character. Moreover, it is important to relax and ignoring what fool people says, because they will try always to let successful people be losers.
I remember this story from when you told it to us in class, I think it may have been 1060 last spring. Of course this story is ridiculous, I can’t think of an experience of mine that really even parallels it. It does make you think though about how much influence our parents have on our moral compass. Often I share the same views as my parents on issues without even really considering why…. sort of a knee-jerk reaction I suppose. I got a lot of patience from my dad, who is the most patient person I have ever met. While I am probably more patient than most people, I am far less so than him. I probably would have had a similar reaction to the circumstance as you did.
I definitely believe that patience is a virtue. We have to understand that others may not react the way that we would most likely want them to. Maybe the mother and son were having a bad day and took it out on the car wash or maybe they were late for an event. I am not saying that what they did was appropriate or morally right, but i do think that we need to always remember that people do things for a reason. Although this story is extremely appalling acting with patience proves that you are exercising ethical values. We will encounter these types of people all the time in everyday life. We just need to act in a more positive way even when we want to tell the other person what we truly think.
Reading this entry I kept thinking about myself at the gas station. Getting gas is my second least favorite thing next to going to the bank. I dislike it so much because of the people who cut in front of me like they have the right to the front of the line in life. I will be waiting in line five cars back for two gas pumps. Another car will drive up right next to the line and create their own line for the second gas pump that everyone in my line was clearly waiting for. These are the type of people who take shortcut everywhere in life trying to get ahead. Although this is not as extreme as the kid putting a plastic box in front of your car and the mother yelling “shut up”, it gets at the same idea. I was taught growing up to share and wait my turn. I am this way today because my parents lived what they taught my brother and me. We looked up to them and emulate today what we have seen from them in every aspect of life. I am very fortunate to have had such a strong and positive influence from my parents. They have shaped the ethical person that I am today.
This story is amazing and I can’t imagine that there are actually people out there that would do such a thing! First off, I congratulate you on your extreme patience in the situation. Even though, looking back you realize that it may have only cost you an extra five minutes that day, in the middle of the situation, I’m not sure how many people could have acted as calm and collected as you have. I know that you have mentioned in class that patience is the virtue that you are trying to improve the most in you life, and it certainly seems that you have done a great job with that! As far as the connection you made between the son and the mother, I think you are spot on. Parents don’t often realize how much they influence their children by their action. In my opinion, a big part of who you are and your set of morals comes from how you are raised by you parents. It is apparent that this kid has had a poor set of morals taught to him and it is certainly sad to see there are people out there who would do something like this.
Professor C. -
I would have been shot.
Patience is a virtue that I would have thrown out the window, along with whatever large object I had with me, at the mother. The kind of actions and interactions that those people displayed were despicable and have no place in the world. However, I would have been no better than them by lashing out.
You made the right choice by rolling up the window and, “being the bigger person,” the classic mommy and daddy saying. The world is filled with evil and just uncaring, uncouth people, and it must be removed. However, as an average consumer, we are constantly being taken advantage of, which makes a person’s good nature become callous to those that continuously attack it, and we lose sight of the good things in the world by focusing on the bad.
There is a fine line between honorable retribution, and putting a civil stop to such behavior and becoming the monster that you are seeking to get rid of. A friend of mine has a similar story. He went to wash his car as well. At this particular car wash, you had to go inside the station to buy a ticket to use the car wash, which would then automatically turn on for you. After he got the ticket and was driving to the wash, he got out, put in his ticket, and another car drove in the tiny space between his car and the wash, thus stealing his car wash. In fury, he threw the ticket in the garbage and stormed inside the station. The attendant said that there was nothing he could do without proof of the ticket. He knew full well that my friend had just bought it, but did not want to deal with the situation, so the customer, angry at the injustice, incompetence, and ignorance displayed, went outside, grabbed the garbage and dumped it all over the desk. “Here’s your ticket!” Needless to say, the police were called, and the customer was banned from the podunk gas station for life.
As you said in class, one must always find the Golden Mean, as recommended by Aristotle himself. You are generally either the sucker who loses his car wash, or the victim of what lousy people are truly capable of. More often then not, there is nothing you can do about that behavior, except avoid it yourself. It is just like modern politics, particularly of the U.S.. Should we expend all of our resources implementing and enforcing ethical standards around the globe? Or should we just let it go until it affects us too much? That is obviously on a much more macro level, since the government, or the car wash, can do very little about it, nor can you. However, the world will naturally not accept people like that, at least not happily anyway.
It is a difficult situation to analyze, not being there, but most confrontations can be solved by simply being transparent. Sticking your head out and asking, “Really?”, shows that you, and most normal people, disapprove of that behavior. This may or may not have any affect on them in the future, but at least they won’t pull out a gun and force you to stay in the car. In the long term, your five minutes really isn’t a big deal. There may have been extenuating circumstances. Perhaps grandpa just died and they wanted the car, and the trailer they didn’t have time to remove, to look nice for the funeral, which would explain Mom’s irritability. A popped tire might explain their rush at the expense of others. It is highly unlikely, of course, but at least it might give you some peace of mind. Seeing as how they were not transparent, and only merited you with a response of, “Shut up,” they were just probably poorly raised amongst a self deprecating spiral of generations.
Generations can either get better every time, or worse. Consider the Palestinians and Israeli’s who fight for no reason other than, well, that’s what they were born to do, and mommy and daddy did it. Terrorists don’t know why they hate America, but it is engrained in their very being by the raw hatred spewing from the parents who teach their kids to hate America. Philosophically, we do the same against the terrorists.
The problem is also exacerbated by the environment that people grow up in. The parent-kid relationship has the most impact, followed closely by the peer-kid relationships. Ideally, a child grows up with loving, inseparable parents, caring, passionate teachers, and friends with equal backgrounds who only spur each other on towards good goals and ideals. Yet this is obviously very rarely the case. Sometimes, even, a person can grow up in the best of environments and become a complete terror. Other times, there are stories of people rising above the decrepitation around them to lofty ideals and become major successes with almost no outside assistance. Both of these situations are quite rare, sadly. Unless a child is taught to always improve his/her character, he/she will see no reason to do so.
This brings up the your idea of the “moral compass.” The biggest thing a parent can to is to calibrate that compass and send their kid on their way to chart their own path. They cannot guide them by the nose forever, or they won’t know how to read the compass, but if they never point their child North, he will wander until he is totally lost, or, in other words, completely without morals.
If a person does not have a basic level of ideals and morals, those morals will slowly decay until they are gone. The car wash man probably would never have pictured himself doing something so rotten many years ago, but he probably made slight compromises that eventually led, (with help from his misleading mother,) to a totally selfish and uncaring personality and actions.
That family’s actions were reprehensible by our standards, but the world would teach that you can do whatever you want to get ahead. Of course this is ridiculous, but it is totally logical. Why are there pirates off the coast of Somalia? They are not the battle-hardened, peg legged ruthless cutthroats that we cushy Americans think of, but are most likely 17 year old boys that are plundering to bring loot to the local warlord that has captured their families.
In the end, their actions are still illegal and immoral, and must be dealt with, usually by the enforcement of a sound nation’s warship and trained navy seals. Once all is said and done, a person has to take accountability for his/her own actions. The blame can be traced back to the upbringing, but the responsibility ultimately lies with the individual. Despite their circumstances they could have risen up and fought, instead of compromising for the sake of those around them.
As individuals with strong, unwavering moral compasses, we are forced with trying to decide how to deal with others. It is not our responsibility, but if we want the world around us to function on an acceptable level, we must do everything in our power to bring about moral, ethical, and wholesome things that the unethical can flock to as a beacon of good in their lives.
Yet, the more we get into it, the more we become calloused and shocked at how low people go, and how much they can get away with. Imagine the President of the United States, whose every decision is ruthlessly analyzed by billions of people. He has no choice but to be moral, at least in the public eye. Thus in the end, it is the moral people who will succeed, even if they have to forgo an extra five minutes of their schedule.
Situations like this happen way too often in our society. I find myself encountering people like this who only think of themselves more than I should. When I read your story, it made me think of my first day back from studying abroad this past December. I was stuck in Philadelphia because of weather and the airline put me up in a hotel for the night. As I walked in, I encountered a lady who didn’t have a cell phone and needed to call her family to let them know where she was. When she asked me if she could use my cell phone, I immediately said yes. Instead of using my phone for a couple of minutes to make a “quick” call, she used my phone for over twenty minutes. I obviously became upset at the situation…how can people only think of themselves? Throughout the conversation, I asked her politely when she would be finished, but this obviously didn’t have an affect on her. At this point, I could have gotten upset and yelled, but I knew that would get me no where and make me feel bad in the long run. Although I was taken advantage of in the situation, I think patience is an extremely important virtue to maintain. Like in your situation at the car wash, your patience in the long run made you a better person. I think that our society will always be filled with people who only think of themselves, but it’s just a matter of learning to tolerate and deal with the situations in a virtuous manner.
I would like to say that I am surprised by the behavior and situation, but sadly i am not. A number of situations like these that occur in all facets of life come to mind to readily. Everyday we think that our time and the things that we need to get done are more important than that of the people around us. At some point though, many of us realize that there are more important things in life and that a little patience goes along way. In time we get where we need to go, and accomplish the things that we need to accomplish; all in good time!
Professor C,
This story is unbelievable. Its hard to imagine that people can be so rude and inconsiderate. I absolutely agree with you when you said that you never know who is watching. This story reminds me of times in my own life when i have been impatient or inconsiderate of others…and you know what, i have learned that what comes around goes around. The only part of this story which is more astonishing than previously mentioned is the action of the mother in this situation. It is obvious that the mother does not live a virtious life. As a result, this is emulated in the actions of the child. In my opinion the child is not chasing real rabbits.
While I can’t say that i have come across a situation exactly like this, I would venture a guess that I would have handled it in a much more unrestrained way than you did. Because of this realization, I am going to have to work on my virtue of patience. What happened to you might have been a simple inconvenience, but it is one that should never, ever happen. I would have immediately gotten out of my car and started dealing with the situation as if someone had just kicked my dog for no reason at all. The thought that there are people in the world who are so ignorant that they have no respect for a stranger waiting for a car wash stall to open up is mind boggling.
I’m just glad that you were in the situation instead of me, or there probably would have been a larger, more worthless confrontation that nobody would be able to win.
First, I commend you on your immense patience and self control in this situation. I know many level headed individuals, myself included that could/would not have been so calm in this situation. Originally I was astonished to hear of such rude actions occurring in a usual and perfectly civil activity. But then I considered the event in the context of current times. Because the majority of the population is feeling some sort of hardship from the economic recession, many have reacted to it in a negative way. I have noticed that this negative response comes in the form of selfishness, which is not okay. This is the perfect example, because there are so many people like this plastic bin women, who are to self involved to realize the kind of character that she is portraying to her son. I feel that this is how many of societies expectations or lack of expectations are formed. A parent/idol/celebrity/teacher/friend or simply someone that another person looks up to has more power of influence then they realize. Even if the son dosen’t emulate his mothers actions, she is and always be his mother, thus being a figure of great influence on his life and decisions. So if she shows that acting in such a rude and inconsiderate manner is acceptable chances are so will he. While it is not always the case, most kids that are rude or mean have parents or friends who are. Adding credibility to your statement of “if you hang out with bad people then, you will do bad things too.” But a person can really only be held accountable for their own actions, making it very important to look at yourself as well as those you choose to surround yourself with, with a critical eye. Realizing that the person you want to be may not be the same kind of people you surround yourself with. Making it imperative to realize that there are all sorts of people in this world, but only a few that truly understand what it means to live a virtues and an authentic life. To be completely honest I feel bad for the boy for having such a brash mother, hopefully he will get ahold of “Real Rabbits” or something of a similar nature and he can see that there is more to life then getting to wash your car first.
Prof. C,
It is sad that this seems like an all to common example of today’s society. I often struggle with patience, especially when something like a car wash should be so automatic and simple. What is most alarming to me is that the kids mother did not do anything to stop him, or may have even been influencing him to do what he did. I really appreciate the moral of the story, because it is easy for me to get ahead of myself and caught in a moment. It is important to think about your actions before you do them, especially when you are in front of someone you might have an influence on. The class discussions of Real Rabbits have really helped me to put things like this in perspective. Thank You!
Prof C,
I can definitely understand your frustration in this situation and I would like to commend you for practicing patience. It seems that it should be unlikely to run into such confrontations at a simple car wash. The reality is that many people treat others with disrespect more often than not. Even in the most simple ways, such as texting while talking to some one, it is still disrespectful, and this attitude of acceptance is becoming more common spread.
I would like to also agree that we do learn from the examples set by those who are older than us and in a position of authority. The fact that the only comment the mother would make about her son’s actions was “shut up” shows that she realizes he acted unreasonably and would not like if the same behave was bestowed upon her, however, since this act was in her and her son’s best regard she merely wished to avoid admitting to you her son’s wrong doings. I feel that in one’s own life it is very important to look around your life to figure out who is looking up to you and who is likely to emulate your behavior. I also feel that it is a duty to then act in a way that shows those who admire you how to behave virtuously, even if not your initial impulse. I feel confident saying that just merely introducing the idea of ethics into a person can help them with making great decisions. I find this true because having the ideas introduced into my own life has helped me to make better more thoroughly thought out decisions.
I think if this had happened to me I would be in total shock, but looking back on the situation realize that it does make sense. Having spent a lot of my time working with childer it is apparent that they follow any example near them, especially those of people who are close to them or that they look up to. Last year when I was at summer camp, some of the other conselors and I decided to do an experiment-we all started walking around with one pant leg rolled up in the morning and by lunch time, almost every kid had his/her pant leg or sleeve rolled up. It just goes to show no matter how silly or illogical something is, kids are extremely impressionable and we must always be watching waht we do around them. If we want to have faith in following generations we must lead by example
Wow, that story is ridiculous! I applaud you on your ability to stay patient in a situation like that. Most people would have reacted just like the mother did and would have just yelled back at her and that would only start a meaningless argument. Instead, you were able to stay calm and not let the situation get to you… very impressive. It is certainly painful to hear about this because it is frustrating that so many people act the way the mother did every day. Instead of simply answering your question and talking nicely about the situation, she felt she had to yell and make a bad impression on the child. This is terrible and I am glad to have been in your class because I now have the ability to understand how to act in an ethical manner and how to take care of a situation nicely.
Thanks for all of your wisdom!
I waited tables for two years and often observed situations like this where the children have the same poor behavior as their parents. I am still so surprised that people would want to emulate this type of behavior. More so, I am disappointed in these adults in the role-model position who teach and even condone this type of behavior. I know that my younger brother looks up to me a lot and I would be horrified if he acted like the young man did in this story.
I admire you for not acting rash in this situation, many people would have snapped (I probably would have left). There will always be individuals like the young man and his mother that do not chase real rabbits but when you inform us of situations like this we can relate it to our own ives and when we get into similar situations we can start to react in a different way than we would have otherwise.
This might sound strange, but to me this is not a rare occurence. I see this lack of respect for other people occuring on a daily basis and it really is sad to see, aside from being annoying (I am also working on the virtue of patience). It’s hard to believe that parents are raising their children in this manner where respect has no place. As the oldest of 5 siblings, I have come to realize that people do really watch what you do and that our actions, no matter how simple, have a huge influence on others. It makes me glad to know that although I have made mistakes in life, I am promoting the success of my younger siblings by being at DU. I am the first in my family to graduate high school and am happy to be setting a high standard for my siblings by showing them that college is a possibility.
Professor C,
I have heard you tell this story many times, and am still bothered by it each time. In some ways I would say I am outraged and cannot believe people actually function that way. But in other ways, I find it sad, and just a reality of our society. There are a surprising amount of people like this in today’s world, and although no person should ever act like this, I find myself wanting to rise above this type of crude behavior. Plus, in this situation, it was over who was first in line in a car wash. When put in perspective, there is no reason I can think of where anyone should ever become heated over a car wash line. It is very easy though to loose perspective. I sometimes find myself becoming heated, on the verge of mad, when someone is going slow or cutting me off while driving, and become impatient in everyday situations. I have to consciously tell myself that hey, maybe the obnoxious dude in the line at Starbucks isn’t really worth my time. It is a sad reality that these types of people exist, but it is not the duty of the public to correct it. Hopefully these people can find a good influence who can change them for the better.
Hey Professor C -
I think the comment that you made, “there are many people in our lives who look up to us and emulate our actions, reactions, decisions, priorities, perspectives and moral compass” is so true. This is easier to see in situations like the one you were in at the car wash, where someone is imitating the actions of someone they undoubtedly look up to. Unfortunately, since I live in “the Hamptons,” situations like this are very common. In the summer, people (most of those who are from Manhattan) live in summer houses on Long Island. Many of them are obnoxious and rude. In the jobs I have held, I’ve seen many of these people demand preference and special attention. There have also been times when I have seen mothers encourage their children to act in ways that I consider unethical - just so they can get ahead in the world. Chances are high that these children will grow up to be replicas of their parents. It’s people like this that give a bad reputation to a whole group of people - and who’s to say whether that reputation is even fair.
I also think that a child can greatly influence their parents’ “…actions, reactions, decisions, priorities, perspectives and moral compass.” There are many parents who try to be “cool,” so they let their kids get away with almost whatever they want. I know a good amount of parents that let their underage children throw parties in their homes. In these cases, the parents are letting the moral compass of their teenager guide their own moral compass.
Dear Prof. C,
This story is a great example of why parenting is so difficult. Although everyone should project the same values and morals all the time, parents have to be especially careful because they have such an influence on their children. Nevertheless, this is a wonderful story with a valuable moral lesson. I love your ability to translate regular everyday occurrences into meaningful anecdotes.
Hi Professor Ciocchetti,
It’s hard to believe that someone would do something like that! They lack such fundamental morals to do such a thing. I cannot imagine throwing something in front of a car to get ahead in a line or in life. I think the most important part of the story though is how you acted, instead of reacted. You could have easily gotten out of the car or made a much bigger scene when he said “What are you going to do about it?” They were shouting ‘pleasantries’ and you chose to roll up your window. We can’t control the things others do to us, but we can control how we respond. You didn’t react to their actions, you acted in a way that reflected your character and your morals and values, which is so very important.
Hi Prof C,
I think your reaction to this situation is completely normal. I would have felt exactly the same way. It’s hard to analyze society and see how it’s constantly changing, but I think a large part of this problem is due to a general lack of respect. People today just are not as considerate of each other as they should be, and for that matter I think often times people don’t respect themselves they way they should. I feel like the world would be such a nicer place to live if people just cared a little bit more and tried to be respectful.
Dear Professor Ciocchetti,
I respect how you reacted to this situation because it is better to stay calm and not start a quarell with the person who did something wrong or rude towards you. I totally am with you on the fact that the moth is probably the reason for why the son is so rude and unthoughtful towards others. I believe that it is like the dumpster story i read to you in class. Where the taxi driver almost got hit by a car and stayed totally calm while the passengers of the other car where screaming and yelling a him and the taxi driver told his passegers after he pulled away why he was so calm during the situation. He siad he calls it the dumpster truck theory where people are just walking around with their garbage meaning their frustrations, anger, and stress. They eventually get to the point that their garbage finally piles up to the point where they have to dump it on someone and it might be you. I feel that this person either had alot of frustration and anger and unfortunately put it on you. Although the guy that put the box in front of your car so that he could wash both his bikes at once, he was simply actiing in the manner that he was raised. I fully believe that when you se a very rude person that cannot handle his emotions and impulses it is probably the parents fault because they did not raise their kids with responsiility. The parent in most cases act the same way as their kids which is pathtic because parents are suppose to be role models.
This story puts me in awe, however, this would not be the first time I have heard a story like this. Honestly, I cannot believe that parents can act in ways like this especially in front of their own children. It is true, kids typically look up to their parents and act in the ways that they do. If a parents act out of line or does not act properly in tough situations than they are only influencing their children to act as they did. In these cases when parents are around when their children act out of line, they are typically justifying their child’s actions whether they are right or not. That is disappointing. When a child acts out a line and its obvious to everyone around, the parents should punish their children, not justify their wrong actions.
I think you handled this situation in the best fashion possible. It obvious that anyone in the situation you were in would want to lash out and make a point however all you did was roll up your window. I feel like the kid deserved to know that his actions were wrong but with his parent near, its not exactly your right to say anything…at least in my opinion. It is a true statement that you never know who is watching and no matter if you know someone is or not, you should always act in the most mature fashion possible. The next time a situation like this occurs in my life, I will do my best to peace to my mind and not retaliate.
Professor C.
As shocking as this is, I feel there is a general lack of respect among people these days. Maybe moving from a quiet, crime free town to the city is the main reason, but I have noticed people are unwilling to help others and instead exhibit appalling behavior. You handled this well considering the behavior of both the kid and the mom. Knowing me, that plastic box would be broken at this point and I would probably be facing some kind of lawsuit. People should not get away with behavior like that so I think it was appropriate to say something. Who knows if it will ever get through to either, but one can only hope they look back and realize that was pretty rude.
I think you brought up a very important point as well that kids learn from their parents’ and role models’ actions. Hopefully this pair was just dumping all kinds of anger and stress on you rather than the more heinous option that they just act like this all the time. In either case, allowing her son to get away with such behavior is instilling it in him forever. Kids get away with so much these days, whether it is by their parents, teachers or peers and the lessons learned from that never really go away. It is important to remember that there is always someone watching and emulating your behavior.
It is so hard to judge how much is too much when in this kind of situation. Compared to what the kid did, saying something does not seem like crossing the line at all, but some people are really crazy and you never know what can happen. I’ve been working on how blunt I am for two reasons. One, I know I take it too far sometimes and people can get hurt by it and I sincerely feel bad about that for a long time. Two, in a situation like this I would say something stupid and without thinking about the consequences and could really regret that. It has happened before that I said some snide comment or confronted someone to try to stand up for myself or someone else and it didn’t turn out for the best. I will never regret standing up to someone, but if my comments put me in danger then it is not smart at all. So just as you are working on patience, I will work on keeping my mouth shut instead of saying something really dumb.
Prof C,
Just like everyone else has said, I can’t believe this kid cut you in line (I think people stopped doing that in kindergarten), and then replied, “Yeah.. so what are you going to do about it?” It baffles my mind as well as disappoints me that:
1. This kid has the audacity to stand up to someone older than him, cut him in line and have absolutely no reason for doing so.
2. He was willing to do it in front of his mom and a crowded public car wash audience. If my mom saw me do that, she would slap me, and I think that has only happened a couple times in my life.
3. The kids mom simply sat there and watched the whole scenario unfold, without saying anything
4. And finally, stand up for her son who should be embarrassing her because of his negligence.
I understand standing up for your on when he is being picked on, but ultimately he was being the bully in this situation, by taking advantage of you and your ethical standpoint on life. It is obvious he grew up in a situation where he got what he wanted, or took it. He was never disciplined for treating others unethically, but rewarded by the power he felt.
It saddens me also that our generation is being judged based on kids like this. Kids that show no respect for their elders, and live their life in utter disregard for other people. I am a person who feels happiest when the people around me are happy, and when I run into situations where a person is intentionally inflicting damage on another person, it sickens me. I hope runs into another person like himself next time he is at the car wash, and realizes how annoying it is when you get cut, or yelled at. Maybe he could change his ways. As for his mother, well, she just might be a lost cause.
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